tune-up a stale relationship in 3 easy steps
Being taken for granted happens in any long-term relationship, friendship or marriage. With the busy schedules and outside concerns faced by married couples, compounded by children, it’s easy to let little things slide — the first to go usually being together-time and intimate niceties.
There are simple ways of rediscovering the person you married, getting back to the days when a conversation was more than a grocery list, a shouting match or a wall of silence.
Be Polite
When you are engaged in hostilities with your mate, the gloves come off pretty fast. At times, you’re probably nicer to your egotistical boss or co-worker than you are to the father of your children. Try using the same level of socially accepted veneer at home and see what happens.
Engage in some small talk; something funny that happened at work; an interesting article you read in the newspaper; a proud moment in the day of your child. Not every conversation with your partner has to be significant or pertain to underlying relationship issues, but it is important to have some peaceful verbal exchanges.
And it’s just as important not to think rude thoughts: when you automatically refer to your better-half as that “so-and-so”, even silently, you are being very counter-productive (although probably honest). Pretend your thoughts are amplified and heard by all.
Smiles are Contagious
If your (umpteenth) request about garbage removal (or bathing the kids or fixing the leaky faucet or whatever) is being ignored, do not allow yourself to be enveloped in the standard scenario of escalating arguments, demands, and blame. Heave a huge grin onto your face, grab the recalcitrant’s hand and white-lie heartily: “Here, I’ll help ya! I’m all gung-ho!” Once he’s on his feet and you’ve pushed him into position, it seems that gravity takes over and the job gets done.
I admit to once leaving the 20 (or so) full bags of stinking garbage in such a way that they blocked access to our front door. My husband couldn’t help but roar with laughter at the sight and my “hint” was taken.
Injecting humor into annoying (or worse) situations can be a wonderful de-fuser; I even sometimes have the presence of mind to pretend not to hear my husband make an uncalled-for remark, plastering a vacant smile on my face and saying: “Pardon me?” You don’t have to haul off each and every time, you know!
I am in no way advocating a rug-mat approach here, by the way. Your first aim is to make life, as it is, more pleasant for yourself - if that means not reacting to every single goad, and giving your husband a second chance to behave himself, why not? Once you are able to communicate in a meaningful manner with each other, you can deal with individual issues (perhaps one being hurtful offhand sarcasm).
Touchy-Feely
When you’re mad, you don’t hug much. Being physically intimate is not at the top of the pleasant list, unless it’s a stress-relieving workout with the punching bag.
However, touching is an important aspect when re-establishing trust and communication in a relationship and you can start small. Like mussing his hair with your oven mitt; or getting the kids involved for a “let’s cheer up dad” group hug; or sitting on his newspaper and tickling the scowl off his face until he begs for mercy.
As you feel comfortable, you can drop kisses on his hand (an exaggerated thank-you for doing some chore); you can rub his neck as you pass the computer; you can ask for a foot massage when you’re both on the couch.
That’s it??
Yup - simple, but it’s enough to re-connect. You’ve got to take it from there, you know. Deal with the personal matters. But when you’ve got a polite, funny and hands-on guy to deal with, the whole ball of wax takes on a different hue, n’est-ce pas?
About the Author
Stephanie Olsen is owner of Family Life Abroad: the expatriate place, where you’ll find informative and humorous articles by experienced expatriates on all aspects of living abroad, plus links, travel tips and more.
***365 of the planet’s richest people, (including Bill Gates), have as
much
$$$ as 2.6 BILLION of the poorest [which is totally obscene!!!]. That
is
only 43 more people than were in 1st Class on the TITANIC! [There were
322
of them] In order for these greedy rich to be so wealthy, they have to
keep
billions poor, many homeless! In this ordered Universe, there are
specific
blessings distributed by the ‘Maker of All Things’ to each of us; but
the
obscene rich have played the game of MONOPOLY for real and stolen away
the
opportunities of billions of people! They were initially given wealth
as a
shared trust, to see that all have some share in humanity {”Love your
neighbor as yourself” means that you see to it that your neighbor has
it
just as good as you do; all 6 billion of us on this “blue marble” are
neighbors & at least 33rd cousins—>Genesis 6:9 We ALL come from
Noah’s 3
sons!}…..We should ALL have a share in humanity, but the rich hoard
instead of sharing, which was part of their deal that they ignore. In
the
USA, everyone (300 million) could be a millionaire if the rich were
JUST
millionaires (1 million $$ each). ‘No poor, no homeless, no
dis-enfranchised’ is the possibility when opportunities are equal for
all;
the economy would be 90% better because everyone is a participating
member,
and there would be no theft [99% gone]! It is time to start the
MONOPOLY
game all over again!!! In the opening part of the original film,
“Planet of
the Apes”, actor Charlton Heston states the reason why he left modern
Earth
in a spaceship, never to return…”Because brother goes to war with
brother,
and men do nothing while their neighbor’s children starve”. We didn’t
come
from animals, but began our existence as human; should we now act like
the
instinctual animals that live by “the survival of the fittest”, where
there
is no love? Love is only something you can spend on God and other
humans…you cannot spend it on yourself, or anything lower….that is
not
love; that is “self”! SEE—>”LOVE is the Real Thing” on
http://excoboard.com/exco/index.php?boardid=1979 or http://keeperofflame.proboards24.com/. “Poverty is the worst form of violence.” Mahatma Gandhi [The father of India’s
freedom]…..The 1st Class rich on the TITANIC learned the lesson of
equality too late: when the ship went down, they all went down
together, no
matter where you were on the boat! Will the rich learn now, before it
is too
late….when the poor of the planet sink the ship by burning the
loveless
world down, each city, in one night….the fuse lit and the chaos
spread by
instant planet-wide communication of the beginning event??———-[From: “The Life of Emile Zola”……….”You know that people don’t want to see the starved face of truth; they would much prefer perfumed lies”.]———-The conscience of man must have another moment in time; in OUR time!—by Jim Sorrell
About the Author
Teacher: Keeper of the Flame, and Lover
There are three stages in any relationship:
1) Attraction
2) Seduction
3) Maintain or Abandon Ship
The attraction stage involves flirting and projecting an attractive image. We play with our hair bit more, use our eyes to attract his attention or appear mysterious and draw his attention to our legs by crossing and uncrossing them. We also take as much care as possible to appear at our best. This is the easy part.
The next stage is when we decide to take things to the next level, usually sexually. We bring out or sexiest lingerie and scent ourselves with the most seductive perfumes and body oils imaginable. From there it doesn’t take much hinting to let him know that if he doesn’t take you to bed soon, you may direct all that pent up passion in someone else’s direction.
3)Finally there is the maintenance or abandon ship stage. This is the area where most of us get into trouble.
Here are the errors in judgment that most of us make:
1) We don’t take as much care with our appearance. Think back on the beginning of your relationship. How many times did you wear sweatpants in front of him then?
Are you taking the same amount of time applying your makeup as you did back then? When was the last time you brushed your teeth or had a breath mint before you kissed him?
2) We slack on our exercise routine. When we are trying to attract the love of our lives, we exercise, eat more salads and generally are so infatuated that we forget to eat.
At the last stage of a relationship, our gym membership cards seem to get lost and in its place we find Ben and Jerry’s and chocolate cake.
3) We forget to keep the mystery in our relationships.
Did you actually use the toilet in front of him when you were first dating? Of course not! Don’t let yourself get so comfortable that you forget that bodily functions are not the high point of romance.
4) We criticize instead of admiring his best points. In the beginning he was wonderful and I am sure that you told him so. When was the last time you paid him a compliment lately?
Finding a man and seducing him is the easy part, despite our occasional slumps. It is the work that you put in to keeping the seduction, flirtation, mystery and romance that will keep him on board or send him scurrying to abandon ship.
About The Author
Caterina Christakos is a published author and freelance writer. For more dating tips go to: http://www.seduction-hypnosis.com
creativedates@hotmail.com
Beverly had suffered from anxiety most of her life. As a child, she slept poorly and often had nightmares. She bit her nails and would chew on the skin around her nails until they were raw and bleeding.
Beverly had tried many forms of therapy, meditation and medication before consulting with me. She had a strong belief in God and prayed daily. Yet she was still anxious and could not understand the source of her anxiety.
Beverly grew up in a “normal” household with two parents who seemingly loved her. Yet as we explored her childhood, it became apparent that, while there was no overt abuse, the covert emotional abuse was constant. Her parents were highly critical of her and would get angry and withdraw when she didn’t perform to their expectations. Her mother was not affectionate and her father’s affection was tinged with sexual energy that frightened her.
Beverly felt tense much of the time in her home. Her parents fought a lot and her mother would often end up crying hysterically while her father withdrew behind his newspaper. What she did not see in her household was any role-modeling for taking personal responsibility for her own feelings. Her mother would blame her and her father whenever she was unhappy, while her father would blame her and her mother for his upsets. Beverly always tried to be a good girl and be there for her parents, but no one was ever there for her.
It’s easy to see why Beverly was so anxious as a child. But what was causing her anxiety as an adult?
The problem was that Beverly had never learned how to be a loving parent to herself, because her parents had not been loving to her or to themselves. She was kind and generous with others, but she tended to ignore her own feelings and needs. The little girl inside Beverly, her Inner Child, felt alone and abandoned inside most of the time. In addition, she was highly critical of herself, just as her parents had been with her. She was constantly telling herself that she couldn’t do anything right.
Beverly was treating herself just as her parents had treated her and themselves. Little Beverly did not have a powerful loving inner adult to attend to her feelings or speak up for her with others. Instead, she was neglectful or critical of herself. Due to abandoning herself and not giving herself love and approval, she was constantly seeking approval from others. As a result, Beverly felt anxious in many situations with others - with friends, at work, as well as with her husband and children. She was constantly trying to “perform” right so people would approve of her or not be mad at her. She was constantly suffering from “performance anxiety.”
Beverly saw that much of her anxiety centered around wanting to control how others saw her and treated her. She realized that she judged herself in the hopes of getting herself to perform right. She noticed that she was constantly seeking others’ approval because of being so critical of herself.
Learning to be compassionate with herself rather than judgmental was a challenge that took time and dedication. She was so used to judging herself that she would do it without realizing it. Through her inner work, Beverly became aware of the fact that most of the critical things she told herself about herself were just not true - they were beliefs she had absorbed from her parents but were not the reality of who she was. As she paid attention to her self-judgments, she noticed that her anxiety was directly related to her judgments, false beliefs, and desire to control getting approval from others.
As Beverly slowly learned to be a loving inner parent rather than a critical one, her anxiety gradually diminished. Any time it she felt anxious, she could now trace it back to something she had told herself that not only was not true, but was self-critical. She discovered that she had been using her spiritual connection as a way of avoiding responsibility for herself, rather than as guidance in what was loving to herself. As she opened to learning about what was loving to herself, she gained more access to and connection with her spiritual source of guidance. The more Beverly took loving care of herself, the more inner peace she attained.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?”, “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?”, “Healing Your Aloneness”,”Inner Bonding”, and “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?” Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
An exciting fresh new product is being launched in the UK from http://www.vinturi.org.uk, a portable, sleek and lightweight wine aerator. Perfect for the wine enthusiast that wants instant aeration without the hassle of having to decant a whole bottle and wait. The vinturi wine aerator instantly aerates wine in the time it takes to pour a glass, by letting the wine breathe it can allow it to release deeper flavours and aromas. Red wine in particular is made to improve with age, and aerating the wine can speed up that process, it gets rid of the need for cumbersome and large decanters. The product also has the advantage that you can aerate just one glass of wine, and you have no need to use the whole bottle. Reviews of the vinturi wine aerator have been very good, with many of them commenting that it makes a very significant improvement to the taste of wines, even white wines which are not usually decanted.It’s also a perfect accessory when travelling as it comes with a cloth pouch to store it in and make it easy to take with you wherever you go, be it either to a picnic or abroad, you’ll be able to enjoy aerated wine!
Q. Can you really tell anything about someone’s intelligence by having them take an IQ quiz?
A. The answer to this question requires a bit of background information, so let me put my professor hat on and tell you a story.
An IQ quiz measures a person’s Intelligence Quotient (IQ). IQ is calculated using this formula: IQ = 100 MA/CA where MA = Mental Age and CA = Chronological Age.
The IQ test was originated back in 1905 by French psychologist Alfred Binet and his physician research partner Dr. Theodore Simon. These two guys came up with the “Binet Simon Test”. This test’s purpose was to measure the intelligence of retarded children.
The test was based upon several observations:
1. Children grow more mentally capable as they grow older
2. Some children perform at higher grade and age levels than their actual grade and age level. While other children are just the opposite.
The mental age (MA) portion of the formula is the age level that the child is found to perform at. For example, a 6-year-old who performed at the level of an 8-year-old, is assigned a MA of 8 and, of course, a CA of 6. Conversely, an 8-year-old, who performed at the level of a 6-year-old, is given a CA of 8 and a MA of 6. With me so far? If you are then you’ve already passed my IQ test because I’m starting to get confused and I’m the one who is writing this article!
3. Binet and Simpson also discovered that these gaps between MA and CA grew wider as the children aged. Our child who had a MA of 8 when he was 6, was found to have a MA of 12 by the time that he reached age 8. Conversely, the child who had a MA of 6 when he was 9, had a MA of 8 when he reached 12.
4. They also noticed that although the MA/CA gap widened as the children grew older, the ratio of MA:CA remained constant. This constant ratio was called the “Intelligence Quotient”.
The IQ quiz, or IQ test, was developed as a way of determining the MA:CA ratio of any person at any age.
So, what (if anything) can be deduced about a person based upon the results of an IQ quiz?
According to an article “The General Intelligence Factor”, Scientific American Presents “Exploring Intelligence”, pg. 24, 1999, author Linda Gottfredson writes:
“Adults in the bottom 5% of the IQ distribution (below 75) are very difficult to train and are not competitive for any occupation on the basis of ability. Serious problems in training low-IQ military recruits during World War II led Congress to ban enlistment from the lowest 10% (below 80) of the population, and no civilian occupation in modern economies routinely recruits its workers from that below-80 range.”
“Current military enlistment standards exclude any individual whose IQ is below about 85.” “Persons of average IQ (between 90 and 100) are not competitive for most professional and executive-level work but are easily trained for the bulk of jobs in the American economy. By contrast, individuals in the top 5 percent of the adult population can essentially train themselves, and few occupations are beyond their reach mentally.” “People with IQs between 75 and 90 are 88 times more likely to drop out of high school, seven times more likely to be jailed, and five times more likely as adults to live in poverty than people with IQs between 110 and 125. The 75-to-90 IQ woman is eight times more likely to become a chronic welfare recipient, and four times as likely to bear an illegitimate child than the 110-to-125-IQ woman.”
Wow, those are some pretty dramatic conclusions that are based solely upon IQ as determined by an IQ quiz. If you believe what Ms. Gottfredson writes, then the answer to your question of “Can you really tell anything about someone’s intelligence by having them take an IQ quiz?” is: It would appear so. Like any quiz, however, don’t feel too bad if you “fail” an IQ Quiz. Some people just suck at taking tests!
Brian Fong
http://www.QuizFaq.com
online sports betting site
Nearly all gaming fans may recently have spotted the slogan “offshore sports betting” recently, though some are not altogether convinced of what that signifies. A foreign betting site in effect acts extraneous to the scope of a specific country or alternatively it can mean a net based gaming site that bases their computer servers inside the boundaries of a country where networked sports betting is not currently forbidden. In brief therefore, it’s a sports gambling business in action outside the country of the purchaser. Networked betting websites are by and large modulated by 3 councils. These are the OSGA (the Offshore Gaming Association), the IGC (Interactive Gaming Council) and the Fidelity Trust Gaming Association FTGA.
The OSGA is a nonpartisan authority which currently supervises the modern overseas gambling trade in an attempt to also provide sports gambling afficionados access to determine trust-worthy internet enterprises to play games of fate with. The Offshore Gaming Association tries to champion client’s rights, moreover they don’t charge any affiliation expenses. The Offshore Gaming Association are a proficient not to mention impartial third party council who pronounce equitable opinions, suggested by customer feedback, unbiased studies, phone calls, insider prompts moreover imparts industry information.
The IGC are a non-profit-making administration. The organisation has been created to allow a platform for curious parties to discuss controversies and also to improve collective worries in the world-wide interactive sports gambling profession, in an effort to establish sportsmanlike and reliable commercial standard procedures and routines that strive to raise consumer confidence in interactive betting commodities and functions, and also to help as the industry’s global procedure counselor and in addition the Interactive Gaming Council operates as a data base of operations.
The IGC has built up a name for upholding honesty, integrity and in addition believability by virtue of the high industry ethics it exhibits, and also its allure to commercial enterprises of honest practise. The IGC monitors overseas sports betting by using a distinctive 10-point working process furthermore bills sports gaming web sites a license fee to feature their logo. Vexed customers can additionally disclose any of their disagreements to the IGC.
The FTGA was founded in order to create a benchmark to raise the actions of computer accessible sports gambling commercial enterprises. The Interactive Gaming Council proposerealize that doing business with reputable businesses, they are able to shape an affiliation of the fairest and professional overseas gaming companies internationally.
These are bodies that keep an watchful eye on the behavior practised by live sports gaming and which should hopefully assist to take the sting out of most if not all of the uneasiness held by cynics. Networked gaming sites are today consistently secure, due to the fact that private details aren’t a requirement also the payments and the gambling odds are exactly as balanced and fair as your usual Vegas-style wager. These internet sites lessen travel time, but maintain of a Vegas gambling casino, but nowadays you can play in your home.
Every children in the world whishes to have toys and every parent trys to give them what they want. So until they grow-up children spend most of their time playing with different toys. If you are careful when you choose toys for your kids you can even consider that you are making an investment. But you have to know if you are making a good investment or not. There are many educative and safe toys. but you can also find many dangerous toys on the market this days. In this article you will find five tips for choosing safe toys for your children. After all every parent is concerned about their children safety.
So you should consider this five thighs when you choose a toy: size, shape, surface, strings and supervision.
Size: you should avoid buying toys with small parts like buttons, wheels, eyes. This small parts can come off and be easily swallowed. So if you have a child under three years you should consider the size of the toys.
Shape: try as much as you can to avoid buying toys with sharp edges and blunt ends. Look for toys with smooth surfaces. You should also avoid plastic, glass or metal toys that can bend and cut. You wouldn’t want your kid to be hurt because of a toy hat you bought.
Surfaces: another issue that you should consider when you decide to buy a toy is the surface. Usually a toy should have a label from where you can find out if it includes any toxic substances. There are toy that are painted with toxic paint bot that contain toxic liquids that can leak and harm your kid.
Strings: toys made from strings or that contain parts made of strings can also become dangerous. If the child is to young he could get wrapped around wrists or neck in the strings.
Supervision: Last but not least you should provide your child a safe place to play with his toys. And you should monitor him as much as possible so you can be sure that nothing bad can happen.
In conclusion, when a child is playing is almost the same thing like when an adult is working. We all must understand that it’s a very important issue to provide our kids with safe toys. This includes choosing toys that are right for your child’s age. You should also follow exactly the manufacturer’s age recommendations. You mustn’t think that you child is to smart to play with toys for his age. We can never be to careful!
About the Author
Get your gifts, gadgets & toys at http://www.gadgetsquick.co.uk - The coolest gadget site on the internet!
Exercise has been confirmed to enhance general fitness, give one added energy and a substantial longer life. In this quick paced life, working people are turning more & more to using exercise equipment to retain their bodies. A number of go to gym centres where they have access to an ample range of tools & experienced instructors whilst still others choose to look for something at home so that they won’t have to be bound to the gym club hours.
Exercise gear normally make the most of resistance to strengthen & tone the leg muscles. The following systems are more often than not used in completing this brand of resistance: pulleys, cables, belts, weights, gravity & wind. Resistance fitness is a form of forcing the leg muscles to contract against ever increasing resistance levels in order to tone and strengthen them.
Furthermore, by escalating the repetitions & the length of time at the sports club, you’re increasing your metabolism which burns fat molecules in your body. In our day there are loads of different brands of products that achieve different goals and you would without doubt do very well to know specifically what sort of outcomes you are looking for before buying a device.
Treadmills, exercise bikes, rowing machines and stair steppers are several ideas of exercise items that provide an aerobic work out. Aerobic is principally cardiovascular training which increases your heart rate, metabolism and burns fat. These devices will boost overall arm tone, fitness & energy.
Barbells, weight benches, home gyms are designed to focus on muscle tone & strength building on selected regions of the body. These function by increasing repetitions & the size of weights over time to build-up and tone muscle mass. Generally you are advised to include something from both the aerobic & weight training sections to gain the ideal body fitness. Enjoy amazing deals on elliptical trainers online.
It’s becoming increasingly clear that one of the biggest hurdles in getting people on board for joining the Euro is undoubtedly convincing the British public that that in fact joining the Euro may be a wise decision. This attitude is mirrored in that of an increasingly large group of leading figures such as Peter Sutherland who believe that perhaps joining the Euro now makes sense. In the melancholic desperate last days of peace preceding the first World War, the British Foreign Secretary, Sir Edward Grey, was repeatedly pressured by his French and Russian counterparts to state, categorically that Britain would remain faithful to its Entente with France and warn Germany that war with England was indeed an inevitability. Every time Grey skillfullymaintained his room for manoeuvre and did a fantastic job of keeping off the pressure. All the way up until August 1st he could adamantly maintain that London could not abandon neutrality “for the simple reason that public opinion would not sanction any other course”. At the Cabinet meeting that Sunday, a clear majority were against having ant part in the imminent conflict. Both the City, many of whose major bankers were of German heritage, and much of the media were against getting involved with the war. Grey kept his freedom of action right up until the last.
But the end was was coming fast. Only a few days later London had declared war on Germany. However awful the current financial crisis, it is on a smaller scale, mercifully, than 1914 but the question arises as to whether British pragmatism responding to dramatic events might not be capable of engineering a similar volte-face; to be precise the embrace of British Euro membership after years of anti-Euro rhetoric from the self appointed representatives of Angleterre Profonde. As in July 1914 there is no political enthusiasm for European engagement at any level of any of the three main parties. A collective ambivalence towards the Euro worn at times heavily on the sleeve extends its deadening embrace which universal amongst all political parties. As history has shown, this does not necessarily means opinions can’t change. I for one believe that it is precisely that change of attitude which could play a major role in determining the future of the United Kingdom. Indeed it is vitally important that people do become more open to the idea of joining the Euro, and realize that rather than something to be feared it could in fact be our saving grace.
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